Dear Raphael
by BurnThoseEyesBlue
Summary: After a terrible accident, Raphael is left in a coma, and Leonardo writes letters to him, hoping that Raph will listen.


**Hey everyone! I've been working on this little one-shot for a few days now, and I finally finished it! It is based off of the wonderful fanfiction Dear Natasha by javct, who gave me permission to do this! :) Thanks again, javct! This is different then what I usually write, so I'm curious as to how I did... So please, leave a review! **

**Enjoy! **

* * *

_**Dear Raphael**_

* * *

**August 19th**

Dear Raphael,

I always told you that motorcycle of yours was dangerous, yet you never listened to me. And now, here we are: you in a comatose state with all sorts of machines keeping you alive and me in the dojo writing a letter to you.

Donny said that you might wake up sooner if we talked to you, but right now Mikey's keeping vigil over you, blabbering all about the mouse Klunk killed today. If you can hear actually hear him right now, talking and chirping about video games and pizza and comic books.

You know he means well, right? He idolizes you, you know. So instead of talking to you, I figured writing letters would be the next best thing. Just like in those sappy movies Mikey loves so much. So here we go, I'll write to you every day until you wake up. I promise.

* * *

**August 20th**

Dear Raphael,

You haven't woken up yet and your vitals haven't changed. You look pale, and you're so unearthly still it's eerie. Of course you know all this but I just felt as though I needed to tell you. It's only been a day, but to me, it's felt like forever. The lair seems so different without you. I even miss the loud bass of your music; whose music will shake the whole house now?

Are you going to come back to me, Raphael? I don't care if it's in one day or a in one thousand, just come back to me.

* * *

**August 27th**

Dear Raphael,

Donny finally told April and Casey about what happened to you. They came down to tell us about their engagement and the wedding in the works. I guess we kinda put a damper on that mood, huh?

April wouldn't stop crying. Even Casey looked a little worried. It's just a coma, Donny reassured him. I'm sure he'll wake up soon enough.

I don't know if Donny said that more for their benefit or for his own.

* * *

**August 29th**

Dear Raphael,

We miss you, Raph. We really do. Mikey kept looked over his shoulders when he played one of his video games today. The one Master Splinter disliked because of all the violence and gore. You stood up for Mikey that day, you told Sensei that we were ninjas and had seen and will see worse fighting the Foot. Even though Master Splinter pretended to be annoyed with you, I could tell that he was secretly pleased that you were finally sticking up for your brothers. I could make a list of everything that I miss about you (I think the list of things that you did that irritated me would be longer, but for this letter's sake, I'll go with the first option.) But as you would say: "What's the point, Fearless? Don't waste your time." Is it wrong that I could hear your gruff, Brooklyn-accent when I wrote that? I certainly hope not.

But just so you know, Raph, you're not a waste of time, no matter how much you think you are.

* * *

**October 3rd**

Dear Raphael,

Donny says the longer you're asleep the less chance you'll come back. So hurry up, all right?

* * *

**October 6th**

Dear Raphael,

Master Splinter says that even though you're still asleep, the criminals in New York aren't going to cease. It's funny, the rest of the world has no idea we're like this. They have no idea you're even in a coma. It's not their world. So why would that stop anybody? To us, it is our world. You mean everything to me, Raph. And I know you'd roll your eyes and grumble and stalk away, just like whenever I tried to tell you before. You never were one for emotional heart-to-hearts, huh?

* * *

**October 7th**

Dear Raphael,

Patrol was quiet. It seems like all the criminals are quiet.

You're the same.

* * *

**October 17th**

Dear Raphael,

Donny said comatose patients don't dream. I think he'd know, being the family medic and all, but for some reason, I really hope you do. You've been asleep for almost a month now, and I wouldn't want you to forget about us. Will you dream about me, Raphael?

* * *

**November 2nd**

Dear Raphael,

Winter's coming, Raph. It's going to be getting colder. Do you remember when we were just tots, and every night the four of us would have to snuggle together to conserve body heat? We'd all get under that ratty old quilt Master Splinter had scavenged and talk and giggle until we all fell asleep. I think those are some of my favorite memories. Back when we used to get along. We were best friends. What happened to us, Raphael? Why couldn't we have never grown up, and just stayed kids forever. I would've liked that.

* * *

**November 5th**

Dear Raphael,

You know my hands shake as I'm writing these letters? My hands never shake; they can't, because in battle one slight move can ruin your whole attack. Isn't it time to come back yet, Raph? Why won't you come back?

* * *

**November 13th**

Dear Raphael,

I talked to Donny today. We can only talk when Mikey's not around; Mikey can't know the truth about you yet. He said he doesn't expect you to wake up soon. I don't understand. Still don't actually. You didn't die, you're still here, but you're asleep. Why can't you wake up? Why won't you wake up? Can't you just will yourself to snap out of it or something? You're strong, Raph. You're the strongest of us four. If anyone could wake up, it'd be you. It's not that hard to just wake up. Just open your eyes, that's all that's there to it.

Please, Raph. Wake up.

* * *

**November 20th**

Dear Raphael,

Donny doesn't look too good. I think he spends all his time watching over you, bustling over papers and medicine and charts and other medical stuff. He has bags under his eyes; even worse then when he used to stay up all night in his lab working. Speaking of which, I don't think he's been in his lab since you became comatose.

I know he misses you. I've seen him crying at his desk when he thinks I'm asleep. It breaks my heart, Raph. He thinks he's useless, that no matter what he does he can't heal you.

Please come back, Raph. Prove Donny wrong.

* * *

**November 26th**

Dear Raphael,

I'm starting to forget what your eyes look like. I know they're amber, but I can't remember the shade anymore. Please, just open your eyes. You can see everyone again, your family, who loves you and misses you. And maybe, you can stay awake this time.

* * *

**December 1st**

Dear Raphael,

I know you'd laugh at me, and point out how useless all this is, me writing you letters. Sentiment, Raph. And on paper people can say things they'd never have the courage to say outloud. It's something I feel is necessary. When you wake up, you can throw them away, if you'd like. They're just building up in piles on your beside table.

Wake up to read them, okay?

* * *

**December 3rd**

Dear Raphael,

Casey and April got married today. It was a small wedding, up at the farmhouse. Only a few people were there. Of course, not many of their human friends could've been there.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we had never met April and Casey... We'd never have caused them so much pain and heartbreak. And yet, they'd have never met. Seriously, what are the chances a scientist and a masked vigilante would have ever affiliated before that? I can't imagine life without them, now. They're family.

Casey was going to make you the best man - er, turtle - but seeing as you're a little... occupied, Don stepped in for you. I think Donny feels guilty; we all knew that was going to be your position.

So many of our old friends came! Leatherhead made it; I think he was a little nervous he would "Hulk out," as Mikey calls it, but everyone was glad to see him. Mikey brought him a huge bow-tie to wear; yeah, he made us wear them, too. In that respect I think you lucked out a bit.

But the wedding? Oh, it was beautiful. I think you'd have enjoyed it, too. Casey was in his tux; it was pretty funny how uncomfortable he was. Casey, in a tux?! Sounds almost unheard of. I'll show you pictures, when you wake up.

Hear that? I'll give you embarassing pictures of your best friend in a tuxedo, but only if you wake up.

* * *

**December 16th**

Dear Raphael,

I almost got killed today.

I'm actually in the cot next to yours as I write this. Donny drew a curtain between us, but I can still hear your breathing. You see, we had an encounter with the Purple Dragons today. Yeah yeah, I know. "Leo! How could you get your shell whipped by the Purple Dimwits?"

You see, I sorta kinda accidentally fell off the side of a roof...? Good news is I dragged Hun down with me. Good old turtle luck. His head smashed in; sorry, I knew you wanted to be the one to do him in, but desperate times call for desperate measures, right? I hope you don't mind.

You know you were what I was thinking of when I was falling? Of everything to think of, I thought of you. I didn't care about the battle anymore, or worry if falling would hurt (It did, but I'll live.). Just you. Funny how that worked, isn't it?

* * *

**December 25th**

Dear Raphael,

Merry Christmas! Mikey went all out decorating the lair this year. And he didn't have any help from you, either. Everyone knows how much you secretely love Christmas. We can all hear you sing _White Christmas_ in the shower. A little more work, and I bet you could join The Drifters! I still don't even know where we got all the christmas lights from. I hope Mikey didn't steal them from Central Park again. Oh, Shell. I should probably find that out... Casey didn't have anybody to get drunk on eggnog with this year; he hasn't admitted it yet, but I know he misses you as much as the rest of us do.

We all brought your Christmas presents to you; they're at the foot of your bed. I hate to keep giving you incentives to wake up that you continue to ignore, but there's another one.

Just wake up, Raph. Christmas isn't the same without you.

* * *

**January 2nd**

Dear Raphael,

You're getting worse. Much worse. Donny's putting you on not only a breathing apparatus, but also on life support. He told me today you weren't going to make it. He said he didn't know how long you have left, but he said he knew it wasn't very long. I thought I told you to get better!

Don't worry, Raph. April and Donny are still working on a remedy. We're not giving up, but it's frustrating to know that there's nothing we can do. It was a motorcycle crash, Raph! Do you know how ridiculous that is? Out of all things for one of us to die from, I never would have said a bike crash. I always thought we'd go out with a bang, die on a mission or in battle, but no, you had to die of a bike crash!

You know what the worst part is? You're not even fighting it. One day, you'll take a breath, and it will be your last. And that's it; no treasured last words, no last eye roll or smirk. You're just going to die on us.

On me.

* * *

**January 3rd**

Dear Raphael,

I'm sorry for lecturing you yesterday. I know how much you hated me lecturing. You never understood it was only to help you, not harm you.

Then again, I suppose that's all there is. The hope of helping your loved ones but in reality you're only pushing them away.

I feel like I push everyone away, Raph. That I was the one that made us the way we are today.

Raph, if you die tomorrow, I just want you to know that you completed me. You really did. You showed me what life is really about. Not training. Not being perfect.

You showed me that the best way to enjoy life was to live it like you were going to die the next day. Do you remember that one time you forced me to ride your motorcycle? You told me it wasn't safe. Oh, the irony of it now.

But on that leather seat, feeling the wind kiss my cheeks and my bandana tails flying out behind me, I felt it. The rush of adrenaline that accompanies me in battle. You let out a woo-hoo, and I understood that while training may be enjoyable to me, I wasn't living life the way you were.

I suppose that's why I always felt useless. If someone had fallen and scraped their knees, I was the one that felt the blame, though how could I have stopped Mikey from trying to do a flip on his skateboards? I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders. Still do, actually, but you helped show me that sometimes life can carry it's own burdens.

So thank you...

And Raph? Please don't go just yet.

* * *

**January 4th**

Dear Raphael,

I guess you heard me, because you're still here.. Thank you.

I still miss you. Don't leave me.

* * *

**January 7th**

Dear Raphael,

Mikey's stopped smiling. He just looks so... old now. Tired. Worn. Broken.

* * *

**January 9th**

Dear Raphael,

You're still breathing.

* * *

**January 13th**

Dear Raphael,

Casey and April came to visit us today. I think April just wanted an excuse to check up on us, but she claimed she wanted to go over Raph's charts again. She brought you some flowers; I know you would've whined and said they were girly, but she still means well.

* * *

**January 20th**

Dear Raphael,

We went patrolling today. It rained about halfway through, and Mikey pitched a fit. Donny rolled his eyes and scolded him, but took him home anyway.

It isn't a secret Don hates patrolling in the rain, too.

It was when I was alone when I realized something: you're not coming back. Donny told me that a while ago, but it never really sunk in, ya know?

It made me cry. I hate crying almost as much as you do, Raph; as the older brothers, we never wanted to let Mikey and Donny see us cry. We had an image to maintain. But no matter how hard I cry, how hard I meditate, or pray, you're not coming back.

All I want is for you to come back.

* * *

**January 23rd**

Dear Raphael,

Do you remember when we first began our Ninjitsu training? We were all so excited; we couldn't have been any older than 5 or 6. We started out with meditating; I remember Master Splinter kept whacking Mikey gently on the head because he wouldn't sit still! Eventually he just gave up; there's no way Mikey would ever sit still long enough for meditation now! And didn't Donny start crying because Sensei told him he couldn't call him Daddy in the dojo? He was always pretty sensitive.

(If you remind him of that today I think he'd kill you... Master Splinter would probably laugh, though he wasn't laughing at the time.)

Sometimes I wonder how in the world Master Splinter managed to take care of all four of us. We had to have been such a handful; especially Mikey! In all honesty, kids make me nervous. Of course, we haven't been around that many, but still.

You, on the other hand, are great with kids. You say you hate kids, but every time we're around one you smile, not just your crooked smile, a REAL one and your eyes light up.

No matter how much you say you hate kids, we all know the truth.

You would've been a great dad, Raph.

And now you'll never be able to.

* * *

**January 28th**

Dear Raphael,

Family is important. You wouldn't know this, but when I was around 8, Master Splinter pulled me aside and told me that one day, I was going to have to be your leader. All that extra training? Most of it was important, sure, but I would have much rather been playing tag or hide and seek with you guys.

He told me that one day, we would have to fight, and that I would have to use my training to save you. He said that on the battlefield, emotions would make you weaker.

And yet whenever we fight, even if it's a simple battle against the Foot, you three were always on my mind. Master Splinter was wrong; emotions don't make you weaker.

They make you stronger.

Family makes you stronger.

* * *

**February 4th**

Dear Raphael,

April's pregnant. They don't know what the baby'a gender is yet, but I think that they both want a little girl. Casey looked about ready to burst with pride.

Can you imagine us, Raph? Uncles?! Who'd have ever believed that?

* * *

**February 7th**

Dear Raphael,

Nothing important happened today. You're still here, and so am I, sitting next to you, writing down all the things I'll never be able to say. In the end, that's all that matters, right? That we're both still here?

* * *

**February 13th**

Dear Raphael,

Your funeral was today. Everyone came, every ally we made, every mutant we'd ever come across. We buried you at the farmhouse, in one of the trees on the edge of the woods we used to play ninja tag in. You said that the farmhouse was one of your favorite places in the world, that there was nothing like the fresh air out in the country. I hope that that's where you wanted to be buried.

It was simple, just the way we knew you'd want it.

Did it hurt, Raph? Dying? I hope it didn't; pain was the last thing you needed then. Your passing- it was peaceful. One moment, I was sitting next to you, holding your hand, the beeping steady... and it stopped. It was so quiet, Raph. I stopped breathing then, too, for the longest time.

Donny tried to save you, you know. And out of all people to stop him, it was Mikey.

"Just let him go." He was already crying, tears soaking through his bandana. "Don't let him suffer here anymore." And we held each other, crying and shaking and just holding each other.

I read a eulogy for you. I know that you would've laughed at me; I was a crying, stuttering mess, tripping over words and getting tongue-tied. My voice kept cracking and I had to pause a lot because my throat kept choking up. I should've let Mikey write it; Mikey has a way with words that the rest of us lack. It probably didn't help I could barely see the paper through the tears.

You would've laughed at me for crying, too. "Save your tears for someone who needs 'em, Fearless!" You'd say.

You know that wouldn't have stopped me anyhow. Everyone was crying, Raph; even Casey. I may have lost a brother, but he also lost his best friend. I don't think that there was a dry eye in that field. You once confessed to me that you were worried that we wouldn't have an impact on this world; that we would pass through it, undiscovered and useless.

You were wrong, Raph. All those people, all those mutants, you touched them in one way or another. No matter how gruff, unsociable, crude and impatient you could be, people still loved you.

I still loved you. You were my brother, and you left me! You left me, Raph, when I needed you most!

I need my baby brother back.

You taught me to be a better, stronger leader, and how to try to become a better brother. I'm sorry I failed you in that way, Raph, but I promise I'll be better to Mikey and Donny. But now I only have two brothers to fight for, and I don't know what I'll do without you.

And do you know what, Raphael? Just one last thing before you go.

I love you, little brother.

* * *

**Er... hope you liked it! Sorry for any tears or emotional trauma I may have caused. Tell me how you liked it in a review! I'd love you forever! Have a good day, y'all!**

**BTW: I don't own the TMNT, because if I did, this is probably what would happen... ANGST! And I also don't own the idea, that's all javct's! :) **


End file.
